Let’s talk about something we’ve all been through: that moment when you send a text, and… crickets. Or when you’re trying to connect with someone—whether it’s a crush, a friend, or a colleague—and it feels like you’re the only one putting in the effort. It’s frustrating, right? You start wondering, Are they ignoring me? Did I do something wrong? Should I double-text?
Here’s the truth: sometimes, it’s not about them. It’s about you. Specifically, it’s about how you’re approaching the situation. And guess what? Psychology has some answers. There are subtle, science-backed tricks that can help you navigate these tricky social dynamics without losing your cool (or your dignity).
So, let’s dive into six psychology tricks that actually work. Think of this as your friendly guide to stopping the over-chasing, reclaiming your power, and maybe even getting that text back. 😉
1. The Scarcity Principle (Less Is More)
Here’s the deal: people want what they can’t have. It’s human nature. When you’re always available, always chasing, always initiating, you lose that sense of mystery and desirability.
How to Use It:
- Pull back a little. Don’t always be the first to text or make plans.
- Focus on your own life. Pursue your hobbies, spend time with friends, and let them come to you.
Example: You’ve been texting someone every day, but the responses are getting shorter. Instead of sending another message, you wait. A few days later, they reach out to ask how you’re doing.
Why It Works: Scarcity creates value. When you’re not always available, people are more likely to appreciate your time and attention.
2. The Mirroring Technique (Build Connection Without Words)
Mirroring is a subtle way to build rapport and make someone feel comfortable around you. It’s about matching their body language, tone, or even their words.
How to Use It:
- If they’re leaning forward, lean forward too. If they’re speaking softly, lower your voice.
- Repeat key phrases they use. For example, if they say, “I’ve been so busy lately,” you could respond, “I know what you mean—being busy can be overwhelming.”
Example: You’re on a date, and they’re talking about their love for hiking. You mention how you’ve been wanting to try it too and ask for their favorite trails. Suddenly, the conversation flows effortlessly.
Why It Works: Mirroring creates a sense of familiarity and trust. It makes the other person feel understood and connected to you.
3. The Ben Franklin Effect (Ask for a Favor)
This one’s a little counterintuitive, but it works like magic. The Ben Franklin Effect suggests that people like you more after they do you a favor. It’s all about creating a sense of investment.
How to Use It:
- Ask for a small, easy favor. It could be as simple as, “Can you recommend a good book?” or “Could you help me with this quick question?”
- Be genuine and appreciative when they help.
Example: You’re trying to build a better relationship with a coworker. You ask them for advice on a project, and they gladly share their expertise. Afterward, they seem more open and friendly toward you.
Why It Works: When someone does you a favor, they subconsciously justify it by thinking, I must like this person if I’m helping them.
4. The Foot-in-the-Door Technique (Start Small)
If you want someone to agree to something big, start with something small. It’s about getting them to say “yes” to little requests first, which makes them more likely to agree to bigger ones later.
How to Use It:
- Begin with a small, easy-to-agree request. For example, “Can I borrow a pen?” or “Would you mind proofreading this email?”
- Once they’ve said yes to the small thing, follow up with a bigger request.
Example: You’re trying to get a mentor to review your resume. First, you ask if they’d be willing to answer a quick career question. After they agree, you ask if they’d mind looking over your resume.
Why It Works: Saying yes to small requests creates a pattern of agreement, making it easier for them to say yes to bigger ones.
5. The Power of Silence (Let Them Fill the Gap)
Silence can be uncomfortable, but it’s also incredibly powerful. When you stop chasing and let the silence hang, it often prompts the other person to step up.
How to Use It:
- After sending a message or making a request, resist the urge to follow up immediately.
- In conversations, don’t rush to fill every pause. Let the other person speak.
Example: You’ve been texting someone, and they haven’t replied. Instead of sending another message, you wait. A day later, they respond with an apology and an explanation.
Why It Works: Silence creates space for the other person to take action. It also shows that you’re not desperate or overly eager.
6. The Reciprocity Principle (Give to Get)
People naturally want to return favors and kindness. If you want someone to engage with you, start by giving something first—whether it’s your time, attention, or a small gesture.
How to Use It:
- Offer help or support without expecting anything in return. For example, “I saw this article and thought you might find it helpful.”
- Be generous with compliments and encouragement.
Example: You’re trying to build a better relationship with a neighbor. You bake cookies and bring them over as a friendly gesture. A week later, they invite you to a barbecue.
Why It Works: Reciprocity is a deeply ingrained social norm. When you give, people feel compelled to give back.
Final Thoughts: Stop Chasing, Start Connecting
Here’s the thing: relationships—whether they’re romantic, platonic, or professional—are a two-way street. If you’re always the one chasing, it’s time to take a step back and let the other person meet you halfway.
These psychology tricks aren’t about manipulation; they’re about creating balance and fostering genuine connections. So, the next time you feel like you’re over-chasing, try one of these strategies. You might just find that the other person starts coming to you.
Now go out there and reclaim your power. You’ve got this. 😊